Convincing an aging loved one to accept outside help can be one of the toughest challenges you face as a concerned relative and friend. Seniors resist private care for many reasons, and you might experience a range of emotions when they do.
If someone important to you needs in home care but won’t accept it, here are nine strategies you can use to improve the situation.
1. Start the discussion early
If possible, talk with your loved one as soon as you begin to anticipate a future need for assistance. Having conversations about care options before a health crisis happens will allow the both of you to communicate in a more relaxed way and give you the information you need to be helpful if your loved one becomes unable to communicate with you down the road.
When opportunities arise, ask questions like, “Where would you like to live as you get older?” or “What about hiring someone to clean and take care of cooking dinner?”
2. Don’t rush conversations
Understanding why someone is objecting to help can take time and patience. Your loved one may speak slowly, give vague answers, repeat the same thoughts over and over, and have trouble staying on topic. Allowing your family member or friend to communicate at their own pace is important if your goal is to resolve an impasse peacefully.
Asking open-ended questions instead of questions that can be answered with a simple simple yes or no will make your discussions more productive and informative, as well as encourage collaboration.
3. Understand the objections
It can be easy, with family and close friends, to feel like you have a clear understanding of why they won’t accept private care. While you probably do have a lot insight, you’ll be in a much better position to provide a tailor-made solution to their concerns if you gather detailed information directly from them.
Ask questions and then follow up with more. You might say to an aunt, “How would it feel to have someone come over to help with cooking?” If she says she’s uncomfortable with someone intruding on her privacy, you could ask something like, “What about having a cook makes you most uncomfortable in terms of your privacy?”
Listening to your loved one’s concerns and validating, rather than dismissing, their feelings will foster trust.
4. Invite collaboration
Include your loved one in decisions as much as you can. If possible, ensure they’re present and active during caregiver interviews, and solicit their input before making decisions. Encourage them to identify what they’d most like a caregiver to do and help them request important services.
5. Involve outsiders as necessary
Some seniors have an easier time talking to a professional or a peer, rather than a family member, about their needs. If you suspect this is the case, be proactive about enlisting support from others. Ask a doctor, nurse, or long-time friend, for example, to suggest your loved one needs help.
6. Take written inventory
Caregiving can feel overwhelming, partly because there are so many needs to address and details to track. To manage stress, make two lists. On one, write down all of your loved one’s problems or needs. On the other, write down what you’ve done to respond, as well as where you can get more help. Then, number the items according to their priority. Doing this will help you stay organized and also help you remember how much you’ve already accomplished.
7. Spare details when appropriate
In some instances, less is more when it comes to providing information about in home care. If your grandmother’s suffering from dementia, she’ll likely feel overwhelmed and threatened if you share every detail about what an aide will be doing for her. Put yourself in her shoes and try to identify what’s most important for her to know before an aide’s first visit. You might explain, for example, that an aide is a helpful person who will take her out for walks, prepare meals, and be on hand to assist her throughout the day. Offering reassuring, but general, information about what to expect can help a loved one with cognitive difficulties feel more comfortable.
8. Go for gradual introductions
The best way to involve a new caregiver in your loved one’s life is to go slowly, allowing them to get to know one another and build trust. Invite a new aide to the house for a series of short visits or make plans for everyone to meet up at a coffee shop or restaurant. Then, bring the aide along to a doctor’s appointment several weeks later and leave the visit early, allowing the aide to accompany your loved one home.
Select Home Care is the premier in-home care provider. Call us today to learn more about our services. We have several locations across the country, including Pasadena, Westlake Village, and Las Vegas. (877) 230-3160
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